Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Mrs. Donahy

Random thought of the day - I found another note that I wrote sometime during or right after eighth grade that called out my English teacher who said that I wouldn't graduate college. Boy did she light a fire under me . . . at the time. Now that I'm there and it absolutely sucks I have to wonder if she saw something I didn't see. The last two years have been the hardest to the extreme - my headaches have ruined any drive I have and I am still struggling to get on track. I have been working on a paper since the 2nd of the month and I'm still not done, yes, this month has been really hard but come on, really, I haven't managed to get a stupid 12 page paper done!! It's so frustrating and I get so mad at myself, but then if I stress out at all I get a migraine at the drop of a hat - geez this part of my life sucks so bad!! Anyways, reading my middle school note has helped again - I think I'm going to hang it up and focus on proving her wrong. Crazy how something someone says in the heat of a moment can stay with you for the rest of your life. I guarantee she doesn't even remember what she said, heck, she probably doesn't even remember me, but I sure remember everything. It still would be kinda fun to go in after I graduate and shove it all in her face. Anyways, I gotta start pushing myself a lot harder!!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Love - The Boy~Girl Kind

Today, I was looking back at a bunch of my writings and journal entries from high school, and I was completely taken aback from what I was reading about Michael and I.

For the longest time after we started dating I really struggled with my emotions when it came to my relationship with God versus my relationship with Michael. Some people will understand the connection you have within yourself when you know that your relationship is going to last forever - we had that early on in our budding relationship and I feel so lucky for that. But because of people around me, mostly those a lot older than me, I often questioned things. As we got closer to each other and we began getting more physical I got really confused. I knew we were forever but there is never a guarantee for a forever, so I often felt so guilty. I was constantly going back and forth saying, "lets stop" and then falling right back into what we were doing.

Hello, I was a typical teenager . . . my point here is that I am lucky that we got married or I would be sitting here with a ton of guilt and feeling pretty crappy about myself right now. This all shows that while I'm lucky, I am still living as a part of this world too much, if I had really listened to my heart and what I know is right I would have worked with God and gotten control of my emotions and completely waited for everything like I always intended to. God forgives mistakes and again I'm going to use the I'm so lucky for that. But does he forgive us when we don't really feel regret for what has happened!?! I can't say I regret anything from the last 5 years because first it has all been awesome and second we are married now so I'm safe. ;-p

If I was in the position to tell anyone how to act about all the physical stuff in relationship I would still say wait for everything until marriage. I know in my heart that we've been married for years even though it's never been official, but my relationship is so different from many, so waiting for as long as possible to do anything is what people need to do.

This is scary!

I've debated for an extremely long time if I was going to create this place for my thoughts online - obviously I jumped on the band wagon.

I think that the common thing is that people start off with a little bit about themselves - blah!

The main thing sticking out in my head right now is that I really want to work hard and not cuss in this new part of me - I'm a horrible person who cusses all the blasted time in real life and I hate it - so it's not gonna happen here!

Alright, I'm moving on . . . I'm a girl who loves to write, especially about herself and her experiences (so selfish, right!!), so here goes nothing.

Little details about muah:
- Philippians 4.13 is the verse of my life, it gets me through anything and everything.
- I'm very married to my high school babe and I couldn't be more blessed.
- I collect postcards; I have about 4,000 and they're all organized. Wahoo - I'm a huge nerd!!
- Being an aunt is one of the best things about my life.
- I suck horribly at college - I will be done summer '10, but that was after I was supposed to graduate in December '08. No fun!
- My goal after school is to be somewhere in life that I am able to hang out with kids and help guide them to grow up and be awesome.
- I love quotes - you will be seeing them so much you'll get sick of me and will demand that I be lynched!

I'm moving on now - this stuff isn't that important and it really doesn't begin to encompass who I am. So, let the fun begin . . .