Monday, March 16, 2009

Love - The Boy~Girl Kind

Today, I was looking back at a bunch of my writings and journal entries from high school, and I was completely taken aback from what I was reading about Michael and I.

For the longest time after we started dating I really struggled with my emotions when it came to my relationship with God versus my relationship with Michael. Some people will understand the connection you have within yourself when you know that your relationship is going to last forever - we had that early on in our budding relationship and I feel so lucky for that. But because of people around me, mostly those a lot older than me, I often questioned things. As we got closer to each other and we began getting more physical I got really confused. I knew we were forever but there is never a guarantee for a forever, so I often felt so guilty. I was constantly going back and forth saying, "lets stop" and then falling right back into what we were doing.

Hello, I was a typical teenager . . . my point here is that I am lucky that we got married or I would be sitting here with a ton of guilt and feeling pretty crappy about myself right now. This all shows that while I'm lucky, I am still living as a part of this world too much, if I had really listened to my heart and what I know is right I would have worked with God and gotten control of my emotions and completely waited for everything like I always intended to. God forgives mistakes and again I'm going to use the I'm so lucky for that. But does he forgive us when we don't really feel regret for what has happened!?! I can't say I regret anything from the last 5 years because first it has all been awesome and second we are married now so I'm safe. ;-p

If I was in the position to tell anyone how to act about all the physical stuff in relationship I would still say wait for everything until marriage. I know in my heart that we've been married for years even though it's never been official, but my relationship is so different from many, so waiting for as long as possible to do anything is what people need to do.