Saturday, December 3, 2011

I HATE CANCER!

November 30th marked two years since Debbie Olson passed away from cancer.

The day before my mother called me to let me know that she'd had lunch with my grandmother and grandfather, and helped them run some errands since my grandpa's eyesight isn't what it was.

Grandma told her she has skin cancer on a spot on her face.

UGH!

I don't fear death because God is love and He is home, but I passionately hate and fear cancer. It's disgusting and cruel.

I know, I know - it's just skin cancer it could be worse. Grandma is 85 and frail with a bad heart. I'm very scared!

She's transferring care to KU Medical Center which is known for it's amazing treatment and handling of cancer victims.

I miss Debbie so much and I'm scared for my Grandma.

God, continue to wrap your arms around the Olson family, and guide my family through this time with patience and understanding.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

A Glimpse of the good life . . .

So, I am out of the veterinary hospital!! I started a new job on October 3rd at Foley Equipment in Topeka. It's a Caterpillar dealership, so I get to hang around big construction equipment all day. I'm the new receptionist there, and I love it!

1. I get to be ME!!!
2. I actually don't like leaving work because I get to work with great people and do stuff that I enjoy doing.
3. I work with other Christians that actually challenge me to be better and closer to God.
4. People actually care about each other, and as stated above they're interested in learning about and helping each other.

Continuing on my post from August I must take time to turn around and thank God for wrapping his arms around me and helping lift me up a bit. Getting out of the vet helped a lot, but more than that He opened the door to a job that while it's not the Christian organization I also said I wanted to work at, I am very happy and at home there. Most importantly I'm being challenged to look to Him and honor Him, which is a lot to be said for in the average work environment today.

Michael and I have also started going to church again, which feels great. We're at FBC Lawrence which we started to go to at the beginning of the year but got lazy and stopped going. Walking in the people that reached out to us the first time have once again opened their hearts to us - I like that a lot. I am happy that we've gotten off our butts and are going back.

The only thing still in limbo is our finances, and I think we may finally be getting back on track their too! It's the evil Target card - if we use it at all then we open the door to getting off track which is what we've been doing the last few months. Our savings still sucks but we're turning it around. With God I know we'll turn things around and will get on track.

Anyways, screw getting a glimpse of the good life. I have a good life and I need to focus on that. My husband love me and I him, and we have 6 crazy animals. Just because we don't have a house or a child doesn't mean I haven't reached the good life. We/I can improve a number of areas and make them better, but I need to focus on the fact that things are very good and as event from my August post can most definitely be worse.

To end on a wonderful beyond positive note - both Brett and Katelyn were baptized in September. Praise be to God!!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Life as I know it . . .

I'm upset with myself for how long its been since I've written. So much has happened.

In May I learned that Michael cheated on me one time with a woman we used to work with. This happened about 5-6 months after we got married. The punk waited 2.5 years to tell me. I understand it though because our marriage is finally in a really solid and good place. I'm over it for the most part. He's my best friend. We've grown a lot because of it. I still think about it at some point almost every day. He betrayed something very important to me in that I've only ever been with him and until then he'd only been with me, but it's in the past and I can't change it so why dwell on it too much. Praise be to God for blessing our marriage and helping us through this.

Continuing on, my job at the veterinary office continues to not be going well. Last Friday my boss throw a bowl across the room. It's stupid scary at times. The doctor isn't my real problem though, it's the practice manager. She is very hateful. Needless to say I am looking very hard for a new job. The whole situation is making me realize how much my personality has changed throughout the years. I used to be so confident in who I was as a person. I knew where I was going and I knew how to stand up for myself. My boss is incredibly hateful and is literally bullying me at work. I've always believed that you don't talk back to your boss because if you do your job is in jeopardy. I'm learning differently. I haven't exactly done so yet, but I cannot keep letting my boss talk to me the way she has. The whole situation is killing my self-confidence.

Life as I know it is changing very slowly. I'm in a limbo of sorts. A big portion of my life is set and good, and that's my life with Michael. But another big portion, my professional side, is weak and lost. I graduated college last summer and I haven't gone anywhere. Everything I ever dream of was to work in a ministry based non-profit that worked with kids. Since I've finished school I've learned that I'm not qualified enough to do so, or I surprise, surprise don't have the personality to fit in. Adding to the limbo is our financial status. We were doing a lot better than when we first got married. But in April we made the decision to finally buy me a new car. Financially that wasn't what did us over, it was the after. Adding accessories to the car and using the money we saved up for the car to pay for things other than car stuff. Since April we've been doing okay, but our savings sucks. We've been married for almost three years, and we still have credit card debt. We've paid off over half in a year and a half, but we're ready to move forward in our life, i.e. children and a house, and there is no way I'm going to let us do that until we have the credit card debt done.

I'm done rambling. Point is, God, I love you, but I'm a bit lost and confused right now and I need your loving arms around me.