Monday, August 8, 2011

Life as I know it . . .

I'm upset with myself for how long its been since I've written. So much has happened.

In May I learned that Michael cheated on me one time with a woman we used to work with. This happened about 5-6 months after we got married. The punk waited 2.5 years to tell me. I understand it though because our marriage is finally in a really solid and good place. I'm over it for the most part. He's my best friend. We've grown a lot because of it. I still think about it at some point almost every day. He betrayed something very important to me in that I've only ever been with him and until then he'd only been with me, but it's in the past and I can't change it so why dwell on it too much. Praise be to God for blessing our marriage and helping us through this.

Continuing on, my job at the veterinary office continues to not be going well. Last Friday my boss throw a bowl across the room. It's stupid scary at times. The doctor isn't my real problem though, it's the practice manager. She is very hateful. Needless to say I am looking very hard for a new job. The whole situation is making me realize how much my personality has changed throughout the years. I used to be so confident in who I was as a person. I knew where I was going and I knew how to stand up for myself. My boss is incredibly hateful and is literally bullying me at work. I've always believed that you don't talk back to your boss because if you do your job is in jeopardy. I'm learning differently. I haven't exactly done so yet, but I cannot keep letting my boss talk to me the way she has. The whole situation is killing my self-confidence.

Life as I know it is changing very slowly. I'm in a limbo of sorts. A big portion of my life is set and good, and that's my life with Michael. But another big portion, my professional side, is weak and lost. I graduated college last summer and I haven't gone anywhere. Everything I ever dream of was to work in a ministry based non-profit that worked with kids. Since I've finished school I've learned that I'm not qualified enough to do so, or I surprise, surprise don't have the personality to fit in. Adding to the limbo is our financial status. We were doing a lot better than when we first got married. But in April we made the decision to finally buy me a new car. Financially that wasn't what did us over, it was the after. Adding accessories to the car and using the money we saved up for the car to pay for things other than car stuff. Since April we've been doing okay, but our savings sucks. We've been married for almost three years, and we still have credit card debt. We've paid off over half in a year and a half, but we're ready to move forward in our life, i.e. children and a house, and there is no way I'm going to let us do that until we have the credit card debt done.

I'm done rambling. Point is, God, I love you, but I'm a bit lost and confused right now and I need your loving arms around me.