Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I don't know what it is with turning 25...

I feel like within the last 2 months I have been slammed with growth opportunities, and it all seems to be happening right around me turning 25.

Highlights of what's happened...

1. Forgiveness and letting go (particularly around N) is finally happening. I may never get an apology for being lied to and she may never stop doing things that completely rub me wrong but why do I care!?! I recently finished reading T.D. Jakes' Let it Go: Forgive so you can be forgiven, and it was slow to start but it definitely got much better. I could feel the anger and years of frustration slipping away as lessons others have tried to teach me finally sunk in. This feeling of changing my perspective and caring about myself and Michael and having everyone/everything else in the peripheral feels really, really good.

2. I stopped taking one of the headache meds. The first few weeks were dark and tough (hence the previous entry), but now that it's more and more out of my systems I'm surprisingly doing well (totally going to jinx myself with this).

3. Certain people at work aren't bugging me so much. I've relaxed and it's definitely going better. For a few months it was tough and I was really regretting accepting the promotion. I was caught in the position of being forced again to change my personality and I didn't want to. People were telling me to toughen up and become colder, and the classic "Play the game". Then, at church I was listening to the lesson and it was saying that followers of Christ will appear illogical in the logical world. The world tells me to stand up for myself and call out my coworker on the way she talks to me and the way she's cheating the system. I know I suck at doing that, so I'm predisposed to screwing it up. I don't do well with confrontation and just like above, if I don't let the things said to me affect me then I'm good to go. I just need to focus on doing my job. I know it's classic me - seeing the injustice being done and desperate to see it righted all because I always look bad but I'm really the good person. I'm letting it all go. My Father knows when I do right and when I do wrong - I need to focus on me.

4. M & I are doing really well - which is awesome. I'm much more positive all the way around. When I was still working the meds out of my system I was fairly evil - but he already knows I'm crazy and he chose me that way so he's stuck.

5. We're buying a house!! 2 more weeks until we close. We're sucking it up and moving to Topeka, but it's only because this house is beyond perfect for who we are right now. It's a craftsman style bungalow that is just so cute, and the current owners have completely updated and done a lot of renovating to it so it's move in ready.

6. Grand finale - we finally have met our match on a church. Back in June when Michael was doing BAK I went to church with a college friend and fell in love with this church. I took Michael a few weeks later and he LOVED it. So, we now have a new church home in The Greenhouse Culture. Words can't explain how good it feels to be around real people who are really into God. I feel alive for the first time in years and Michael is excited, asking questions and just genuinely happy and focused on Christ too. Thank you and Praise you God for bringing this church into our lives.