Thursday, August 21, 2014

Fresh Eyes

Two years ago today Michael and I signed the dotted line and became homeowners. We moved from Lawrence to Topeka. We both work in Topeka and the house we had found is in Potwin, the historic district within Topeka's city limits. It's a beautiful home that is almost 100 years old but has been very nicely renovated inside.

A few facts from two years ago:
- I had my checklist of what I felt needed done before I was okay to consider getting pregnant and owning a home was one of those items. So CHECK.
- We had only started going to The Greenhouse Culture when we found this house.

Fast forward two years and a few new facts have presented themselves:
- We have a family that we've found within The Greenhouse Culture and it's hard not being closer to them.
- While our neighborhood is completely charming the sad fact is that Topeka overall is one rough city and our neighborhood is surrounded by some of the roughest parts. We've had some sketchy stuff happen including Michael's car getting broken into, our porch furniture stolen and a squatter bunking down in the empty neighboring house. While we were victims of cars getting broken into while living in Paola and Lawrence, there is just something about my porch furniture being taken that still doesn't sit well with me. It's my porch to my house which just feels so much closer and more personal than a vehicle.

Last night as we were leaving leadership training for church I made a crack to our pastor that "Well, at least you live just a few blocks down the road." His immediate response was "Put your house up for sale and move back." I replied "We can't afford to move back and find a house here," to which he ended the conversation saying "Well, we have people to help with that."

So, that conversation has gotten me thinking 'Is it really that simple?' Can people really just do things like just letting go and following their hearts?

For months now Michael and I have wanted to be back in Lawrence at the very least (more on this in a bit). We always said that no matter what when we have kids and they start school we'll move because there is no way they'd go to the schools here and why pay for private schools here when we can put that money towards living back in Lawrence where we want to be.

When we bought our house it fit every need we had and was perfect. What we didn't know at the time was the sense of community that'd be found within our church. What's even more ironic to this is that we were tapped to be leaders so that eventually we could host Neighborhood Church in our home to tie Lawrence to Topeka within our church. But in the end we miss Lawrence. We may only be twenty or so minutes away and we make most events, but we miss out on the spontaneity of the quick get-together and the vibe of the town as a whole.

It's also a mix of we realize just how much Topeka doesn't fit us. Which brings me to something else weighing heavily on our hearts. Michael is beginning to explore the possibility of moving forward with his career in the logistics field. At this time he's using connections to seek out potential jobs in the Denver, Colorado area. HUGE change - we know. This is the there will be a bit more on this mentioned earlier. If it's not Lawrence or even the KC area it looks like we may very well be looking to move away. Michael deserves to have the best job possible for him and I'm willing to follow wherever that leads. I'm flexible; I've been at my job long enough to easily move locations or seek out a position at another company doing similar work. A move may even open the door to me finding the creative, ministry focused job I've always felt led to have.

So here we are - sitting with the world at our fingertips. At this time it's definitely a game of waiting things out and seeing where job possibilities go with Michael and getting ourselves in a better financial place (HA). I'd love to throw up my hands and put our house up for sale tomorrow, but I'm going to hold on tight to the fact that God has our back and the right door will open.

My personality leans to being a planner predominately, but flowing quietly through me is the ability to sit back and let things go as they may. It's taken a lot of years and mistakes to let go and let God. He planted in me at a very young age the knowledge that I should be in some type of ministry, and at 27 that door hasn't opened. He has used these early adult years to bend and shape me to know that when it's time it will be time. Time has shown Michael and I that living here isn't for us any longer, so now it's a matter of depending on God to show us what path to take. If you read this, please keep us in your prayers. We're a little lost because we're human and the unknowns of life are so hard, but trumping that is our gratefulness and dependency on a God who leads and know the plans He has for us to which we ask that He open our eyes and hearts to what His plans for us are.